RANTS// STOPEEEEET

*grabs megaphone* Testing mic 1,2.... Mic check 1,2

Hi my lovelies, I'm here to rant about my worst bus experience ever.... so rant with me if you've ever experienced this....

On Friday, I took a bus from Ikeja to Mile 2. Only God knows how i waka n enter that kind of bus o, but the weird weird things I experienced ehn, just sit tight and be angry with me.

The male that sat next to me was very very very (that's 3 very shey?) fat, and he smelled, like really smelled. His mouth was oozing, I could see the wax in his ears, he had no neck, he was smelling of sweat and something else I couldn't quite place, and I think I could smell his butt crack.

I was like this

Well, to top these injustice he was doing to my olfactory nerves, he was very clumsy, he refused to keep his hands in one place which was inconveniencing me seriously, I felt like I was going to choke to death with all the stink coming out of him...

To top it all, for some weird reasons, his crotch started to scratch him. Lawd! Gawd!! At first, he scratched it through his trousers, when it didn't work, he decided to dip his hands in to scratch. He had this "I'm about to cum" face.... eeeeeewwwwwwww..... Then the worst of all, as he was about to alight, he decided that my legs looked like wood n he just stepped on my feet, and then cut my favourite slippers, this slippers is my bathroom, wakabout, n anything u can call it, slippers.

Next annoying ordeal, please ladies spend your money on good panties, na beg i dey beg una o. The lady who sat in front of me had these low waist jeans on and her panties were out. These panties were not only fugly, they were tearing and shredding (Abeg they still dey produce tissue pants?) Her wide and long stretch marks were all out for the world to see. I swear I had to mentally chain and restrain myself from dipping my pen into her ass.

The last but not the least thing that happened that almost left me in tears; there were these nursing mothers behind me. One's baby was sleeping peacefully while the other's was fussy and crying her head out. Normal thing na, everybody was shouting, "E fun looyan na" (Give am breast na), immediately she pulled her flabby breasts out and shoved them in the child's mouth.

See ehn, the child was still wailing o even with the breasts in her mouth... I don't blame the child o, why will my mother's breasts be that ugly na. Now I'm not against public breastfeeding o, but there's no way you'll catch me doing it. Any pikin wey cry for outside, I go mix akanmu or cerelac give am drink....

This is the proper way to breastfeed.... no go dey reduce money wey your husband pay for your head

The painful part was when one elderly woman claimed she wasn't doing the breastfeeding properly and just caught the mother's breasts and held it "properly" in the child's mouth. See ehn, that thing is all shades of wrong!!!! If we're not related, do not touch my breasts, else i'll sue you for attempted lesbianism.

In all of these, the child was wailing her head off... their brains didn't tell them that it was probably the heat that was making the child cry. 10mins later, the child was cryimg, and my head was aching like cray, then one man said, "Boya oo tii yaa'gbe" (she's probably uncomfortable cos she's soiled herself). Immediately I started to pray to God that the woman would ignore that 'wonderful" suggestion. But no! She just pulled the pampers open and exposed the poor child's private parts to the world. Worse of all was when she told her friend, Kafaya, "joo baami check e, booya oo tii yaagbe tooto" (Help me check if she has really soiled herself).

For God's sakes, y'all know how bad babies' poo stink shey? Well, the bus was stinking so bad of the child's poo, yet she was stupidly asking if the child had really pooed.

*sighs* This was my ordeal on Friday o. So I'm begging all you good readers of THE WAY ESTHER SEES IT to join my foundation- LET'S BUY ESTHER A CAR. I'm tired of this kinda life. If the car is too much, just help me write petitions to bus drivers to screen their passengers, and stop letting smelly people into their buses.