THE 15-FOR-15 CHALLENGE: MY WOMAN TALES

Turn up oga bosses and madam bossettes...... it's the first post in the 15-for-15 challenge sooooo sit tight and enjoy

WOMAN@CONFUSED.COM

I like to think that I have a lot of things under control; there’s this level of peacefulness that sets in whenever I convince myself that I have it all together. Well, dear diary, here’s my secret confession: NO, I DON’T!!! I do not have anything together at all especially when it comes to embracing my femininity. I have no clue whatsoever as regards being a woman.  Yes, I’m damn scared to admit it or let anyone else know which is why I’m telling you this now. I’m going crazy thinking about the fact that I have no idea at all.

Here are a few things I don’t get:

• Why I have to suffer for not getting knocked up

Dear Mother Nature, shouldn't you be applauding my ability and thoughtfulness to practice safe sex? Shouldn't you applaud my decision to stay celibate and abstain from sex until I’m ready? I thought all mothers would be proud of their daughters for every month that passes without them getting knocked up, so why aren't you Mother Nature?

Why do you have to make me suffer these terrible cramps, make me feel like a crime scene and almost anemic 5 days every month just because I refused to let Alex in without his gate pass? In fact, since you like to keep records, how about you send me a mail like this;

Dear Esther, you've succeeded in getting out of January without getting knocked up. Good luck in February and keep an eye on Bryce and his gate pass.

I as well as a million other girls would be glad to receive mails like that instead of making me lose blood and sleep.

• Why I might be needing a man to validate me.

Okay, so this gets me at confused.com all the time. One minute, mother is telling me to get empowered, make us some moneym start my masters’ degree and have so many titles like her; next minute she’s berating me for not having a boy to call at night to say “I love you” to, and how my blind ambitions are chasing the men away.

WTAF??? What exactly am I to do? Sit at home, get dressed, look good for the men to notice, and then they toast me and give me the ring? Is that what my life as a woman is about? I seriously don’t get anything about this.

• Looking good; or should I say attractive.

Yeah I know, “looking good is good business”, I’ve heard that phrase too many controversial times that I honestly don’t know what it means anymore.

On Sunday, Mother& I had a big row as regards this, I had to storm out of her room and lock myself in to hold down the rage. Anyone who knows mother, knows she’s a fashionista, a fashion and beauty fanatic; knows and gets all the latest trends. At her age, she just concluded makeup classes from one of the biggest makeup houses in Asaba, and my dad is quite the male version of her with his worry about labels and all (I like to think they’re actually vain); so I guess it’s quite weird to have a semi tomboy as their first daughter.

In my books, when I stand in front of the mirror, if the image that stares back at me looks lovely enough to me, then I’m out of the house. But in my Mother’s books, when you look at the mirror the first question on your lips should be; How will I look to people? Or will I get a man in this getup?

I thought we are supposed to look good for our own good; like isn't looking good supposed to make you feel better, so how then did someone else’s feelings get involved with the image in my mirror? I mean, these boys wake up, get dresses and then say to the image in the mirror; “Ol boy, you make sense o!” why then can’t I say the same to my image and leave it at that? Why do I have to include another person’s questions and put the image on edge?

So dear diary, these are a few things that have me at confused.com! Am I reading too much meaning into everything or am I right to feel this way?

P.S: I still haven't found any bottle coke with my name on it o. Well, I saw two; one had Share a Coke with Ada and the other had Share a coke with Nne. Since y'all know that I'm the Ada in my father's house and the short form of Nnedinma is Nne, I guess that qualifies me to own those bottles. All I'm saying is that, if you see any bottle with Share a Coke with Esther written on it, YOU MUST SEND THE BOTTLE AND ITS CONTENTS TO ME!!!!!! If you drink it then you've stolen *inserts straight face smiley*

PEACE, LOVE& CHOCOLATES

XOXO