#SERIES& DISCUSSIONS || REACTION DISORDERS 2

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Hello lovelies!!! Good day..... Happy Tuesday, and welcome to SERIES TUESDAY . If you missed PART 1 click here.

Today we'll discuss two more disorders, and as well as their relative Desperate Housewives characters.

Sit tight, read, comment, share, and most importantly Learn...

• Lynette Scavo: Controlling

Mostly known for being super controlling, with a tendency to slightly berate people she holds dear to her heart, Lynette is portrayed as the neurotic, stressed and controlling housewife and mother, and is considered the "smart" one of the group.



The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines controlling as:

: having a need to control other people's behavior
: having the power to control how something is managed or done

: giving someone the power to control how something is managed or done

 Controlling people obsessively try to dictate how you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything; disagree at your peril. They’ll control you by invalidating your emotions if those don’t fit into their rulebook. Controllers often start sentences with, “You know what you need?”…then proceed to tell you. They’ll sling shots like, “That guy is out of your league” or “I’ll have dinner with you if you promise to be happy.”

 People with low self-esteem who see themselves as “victims” attract controllers. Whether giving unsolicited advice on how you can lose weight or using anger to put you in your place, their comments can range from irritating to abusive. What’s most annoying about these people is that they usually don’t see themselves as controlling--only right.

Controllers are often perfectionists. They may feel, “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." Controllers are also controlling with themselves. Examples of some controlling people are those who may fanatically count carbs, become clean freaks or workaholics.

The first thing indication that gives a control freak away is the obsessive perfectionism, usually connected with trivial things. These people are capable of dedicating serous amounts of time and effort to unnecessary things, making all this behavior quite illogical in the eyes of others. Any failure to meet the expectations of a control freak may and probably will result in bouts of anger and scorning.

What is more, control freaks do not consider themselves perfect either. On the contrary, quite often they, judge their own actions, are insecure and suffer from their previous failures and are not being able to forget them and move on. They always desire to be absolutely perfect. Yet, the impossible perfection makes them depressed and devastated from time to time.

From deeper study, I realised that, people who feel out of control tend to become controllers. Deep down, they’re afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety. They might have had chaotic childhoods, alcoholic parents, or experienced early abandonment, making it hard to trust or relinquish control to others, or to a higher power. Some controllers have a machismo drive to be top dog in both business and personal matters--a mask for their feeling of inadequacy and lack of inner power.

I am guilty of this act to an extent..... there are those days when I just believe in one part of my mind that nobody else is capable of taking care of me or anything around.... those days that I just want to be appointed spokesperson cos I feel nobody else will pass the message across...... when I get the feeling to be in charge, especially when it's unnecessary, I just calmly withdraw, zone out, and pretend not to know what's going on around me.

How Do We Help Them?

1. The secret to success is never try to control a controller. Speak up, but don’t tell them what to do. Be healthily assertive rather than controlling.

2. Try the caring, direct approach.  Use this with good friends or others who’re responsive to feedback. For instance, if someone dominates conversations, sensitively say, “I appreciate your comments but I’d like to express my opinions too.” The person may be unaware that he or she is monopolizing the discussion, and will gladly change.

3. Set limits. If someone keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.”

Most importantly, you need to be very tolerant and patient if you are to “convert” this person into a more “socially acceptable” individual. Therefore, start gradually, letting control freaks know that what they are doing is wrong, reducing their behavioral drawbacks one by one.

• Susan Mayer: Worrying

It was common knowledge on Wisteria Lane that where Susan Mayer went, bad luck was sure to follow. Her misfortunes ranged from the commonplace, to the unusual, to the truly bizarre.  Known for being a hopeless romantic and a klutz, as well as for her occasional portrayal of the "damsel in distress", is arguably the most fragile of all the housewives, and is often considered the nicest and most adorable one.

Previously, when I had a post on Sanity In Insanity, I talked about constant worrying. Worrying is a normal part of life. In fact, if you do not worry about anything, it's either your juju is really strong or you're not normal. But when worrying becomes excessive, then it becomes a disorder.

For instance, someone comes to break the news of someone's death, while the avoider zones out, and the "Bree" refuses to accept the news, the control freak has started shouting at everyone, guess what the worrier is doing; she'll be obsessing about how much food will cater for everyone at the funeral, and what have you.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines worry as:

to disturb oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret

 Worrying can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem. But if you're preoccupied with “what ifs” and other imaginary problems, then it has become a disorder.

While you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and makes you feel like you’re getting something accomplished. But worrying and problem solving are two very different things.

Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, though, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend dwelling on worst-case scenarios, you’re no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen.

If a thought pops in your head, before you go yapping, worrying and obsessing about it, pause and ask yourself, "Is it a problem I'm currently facing or is it an imaginary one?" If it is imaginary, then ask yourself if your concern is realistic and what are the chances of your worrying happening.

How Do We Help Them?

The major thing to do is be their calming effect... be there to reassure them. All other steps for solving excess worrying can only be carried out by the worrier herself. Some of them include;

1. Listing and analysing the worries.

2. Embrace uncertainty and understand that it's o



kay not to know everything or have solutions to all problems.

3. Use your emotions instead. Studies have shown that while you cry or scream in anger over something, you're less worried. So it's okay to cry

.... to be continued....

So my lovelies, which of these housewives are you? Do you know any control freak or a pro worrier? How do you cope around them? How have you tried to help them?

Until the next time I see you, Stay Beautiful.

XOXO