#GUEST POST// TALKING TO ME

Good morning lovelies...... I'm so sorry I've been AWOL I promise it's for good cause... I've been out making money for us o that's why......

Today's guest blogger is my fellow petite lady, and I just learnt her name is Omowunmi (I likey)...... her post today is a sort of self therapy..... so sit, read, learn, comment, share and most importantly ENJOY.

#GUEST POST// IN A RACE WITH ME

Hello my lovelies.... How y'all doing.... I hope you're all doing great? How's the week been and how's the cold treating y'all?

Today's guest post is from *drum rolls* my very own PARTNER-IN-CRAZE, the shoki mistress of blogsville, MOBYLISTIC MOBY of Diary of a Lagos Drama Queen. She has a very interesting and inspiring piece on CONTENTMENT.... so sit tight, read, share, comment, learn, and most importantly, ENJOY!!!!!

#GUEST POST// HORSES IN BATTLE

Hallos my lovelies.... How you all doing? It's Thursday already, next thing we know it's the end of January.... But thank God anyway.

So today, we have a guest post from my dear Ernie Tibs of Tibs Tells Tales. We've been having guest posts from some selected bloggers on this post. This bloggers feature should have been over with before the 31st of December o, but you see, I need to carry cane and flog some people first before they submit. Anyroads, I had to bribe Ernie, in fact I had to threaten to steal Lil Sean from Lil Ernie before she produced this post..... 

Now that's here, sit tight, read, comment, share, learn, and most importantly ENJOY....

#GUEST POST// 2014 LESSONS

31st of December here we are..... Still breathing.... Mehnnn Baba God is too much sha.....

Well, I've cleaned my outer skin away and cleaned enough to last my grandchildren.... Even my fifth generations won't need to clean again for the one I've done today.....

Okay.... Today, we have a guest post from AmeComplique of My Thoughts to Screen. Before we proceed, I have to inform you that this niggie has succeeded in putting me in trouble... You'll understand as you read....

#GUEST POST// KEEPING ON

We can travel round the world in one day cos we don't care..... Play our favorite Christmas songs and party like we don't care.... Merry Christmas Baby

Hello.... Hello.... Hello.... Eyin temi lori pinging..... How the Christmas season dey go na... How the rice, chicken, salad, bean, chips, pounded yam, ofe nsala and co. dey go? Omo, I am overfed... I was even sensing constipation early this morning but it didn't stop me from eating more sef......

Okay.... Today, our darling Duru Bubba is our Guest Blogger for the day..... If you've ever been on The Young and Confused Blog, you'll understand why I love this young man. He claims to be confused but whenever I read his posts, I relate to every word of his posts and he inspires me every day. So it's either he's not as confused as he claims, or I am very confused. I spoke to him for the first time yesterday and the guy is just as hyper as his posts. Did I mention he can wash for Africa?

Anyroads, sit tight, read, share, comment and most importantly, ENJOY.....

GUEST POST// MY BAG

Hallos loves.....  TGIFF.... 6 more days to Christmas mehnnnn.... I'm already salivating in advance for the kind food I wee eat this Christmas break.
Anyroad, we have a guest post from Buiti Christian of Fashionitaz by Buiti.... So sit still and enjoy

Hello its Friday!! TGIF * dancing*

I get so excited when it's Friday and I know you do also, knowing that it's weekend already lol....

This morning I was swapping my handbag for another that fits my outfit, so I poured out everything from my handbag on the bed and i found out i was carrying some "unusual items" in my handbag that some people wouldn't. I call them "unusual" because i know in my Sister's and my Friends' bag you wouldn't find any of these things in them.

For me, these items are necessary and they come as a savior in my times of need.

Below are the list of items i found in my bag;

Super Glue:

You might be wondering "why does she have this in her bag?"  Has your shoe ever embarrassed you in a  gathering or the your heels suddenly give way ? Well I have, and this has helped me out of those situations and made it look like nothing happened. Ever since then I have always kept one in my bag.

Pads/ Tampons:

Sometimes even when you do the maths for your menstrual cycle, the 'RED ROBOT'decides to show up a day or two earlier than you calculated. It is advisable to always carry a pad or tampon in your bag just so you prepare yourself for your 'monthly visitor'.

Aspirin:

This is specially needed for those who have painful menstruation. Instead of looking all moody at work because of painful menstrual cramp this should help relieve the pain. As well as those headaches that come without warning too.

Needle and Thread/Pins:

I remember one day on my way to work, a stranger walked up to me telling me that i had a tear on my skirt., you can imagine the look i had on my face. I quickly got to the office, rushed to the toilet took my needle and thread and sew my skirt. Then again i thought, what if i didn't have this in my bag? hmmmmmm.... This can also help if your buttons pops out without warning.

Elastic Band:

I have well over 10 of them in my bag. I use it to tie stuff together and also to pack my hair when i forget my hair scrunchie at home.

Sanitizer:

I love Nigerian dishes yep! Because I am Nigerian and because no other food tastes better plus it's more nutritional than our others. Sometimes after eating a bowl of "fufu" you find out it leaves your fingers with its signature smell. Others might opt for a hand cream but i rather use a sanitizer just so my hands are thoroughly clean and smells fresh too.

Mint:

Almost everyone has this in their hand bag. You know those times you eat some certain kind of food especially those Italian and Chinese spiced dishes (garlic) and it gives you an awful breath? lol it happens to everyone of us.  A good mint will do wonders in no time.You don't want your mouth smelling when you talking to someone hehehehe (sorry i have eaten my mint half way *covers face*)

There you have it!

What are those unusual things in your handbag?

Do you have any of the above items?

xoxo

Buiti

fashionitazbybuiti.blogspot.com

#SERIES& DISCUSSIONS// GUEST POST// JEALOUSY2

Hello lovelies.... Good evening.... I'm sorry to be bringing the concluding part of our guest post on Jealousy [click here if you missed the first part]  na network and light palaver cause am o.

• JEALOUSY AMONG SIBLINGS

Jealousy among siblings is somewhat related to siblings rivalry and this is mostly fueled by parents.
When parents begin to compare children, resentment creeps in too, when parents also place expectations on children and one meets the expectations while the other doesn't, jealousy creeps in and in extreme cases can tear families apart.

SOLUTIONS TO JEALOUSY
These 11 steps from wikihow can help you handle jealousy;
1. Understand the emotion of jealousy;
 A combination of fear and anger, jealousy is fed by the fear of losing someone (or a cherished situation/state of affairs) and anger that someone else is "moving in" on the person or situation that is of value to you personally. It's a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense.
2. Deconstruct why you feel jealous in the first place;
 From a place of self-compassion, try to figure out why you're feeling jealous. Often jealousy is about reliving an experience of failure from the past that continues to inform your level of trust (or lack thereof) toward people in the present, even though current conditions may be vastly different.
 Other motivators for feeling jealous include: a high level of insecurity, anger toward yourself and fear of abandonment or vulnerability. If you're honest with yourself, you will realize that feeling jealous often rears its head at the same time you feel threatened, afraid of being abandoned or when you feel you just cannot trust the other person, no matter how little basis your lack of trust has. However, this shouldn't be about finding nothing but fault with yourself––being compassionate about your self-assessment is an essential part of staying objective about the green eyed monster.
3. Take a good look at the effect your jealous behavior has on other people;
 It can be easy to justify your suspicious mind by viewing the defensive responses of others as confirmation of your suspicions. However, defensiveness is a natural response to people who are placed under pressure to justify their actions, whereabouts and thoughts all of the time––being constantly questioned as to what you're doing, where you're going and where you've been is tiring, disparaging and quickly demoralizing. People feeling squeezed by a jealous line of questioning and assumptions will also feel undermined, badgered and frustrated. Reactions that display impatience, frustration, irritation and anger are not confirmations of guilt––they are signs that the person has reached the end of a tether and is defending his or her genuine, non-suspicious actions.
If you suddenly decide that your friend or lover is incapable of fending off the advances of a new friend or lover, then you have placed that person in a really insidious position of both having to reassure you at the same time as realizing that the lack of trust you have in him or her places a wedge in the relationship that wasn't there previously. Put yourself into his or her shoes––how would you feel if badgered in this fashion?
4. Tackle your feelings now;
 Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. For example, say to yourself: "Is this jealousy because I feel afraid or angry? Why am I feeling fear or anger here?" When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feelings constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy. Some questions to ask yourself include:
"Why am I jealous over this?"
"What is making me jealous?"
" What am I trying to keep?"
"Why do I feel threatened?"
5.  Change any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy;
 There are often false, baseless beliefs that underlie reactions of jealousy. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs without basis include “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” In both cases, these are generalizations that could never be applied to every person you know or meet. In fact, these are preemptive defenses against the potential of something bad happening to you. Beliefs are changeable by choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you'll feel better. If you think it's better to think negatively, ask yourself what possible benefit that brings you over thinking more healthily––thoughts create emotions and you have the choice to make the thoughts negative or positive. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger and the fear easier to manage, removing the fuel for the jealous feelings.
Be aware that your thoughts can happen so quickly that you don't even realize consciously that you've had a negative thought. Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and what triggers them is a large part of tackling the problem.
6. Take notice of which part of your body is affected;
 Fear is often felt as a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, while anger often manifests itself as a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw. As well, it's not unusual to feel both fear and anger at the same time, bringing forth all of the bodily impacts mentioned. Noticing bodily sensations can be a telltale signal for you to start changing how you're thinking and to question the jealous feelings.
7. Apologize;
 Before doing anything else, make the other person feel better if you've gone far enough to expose your jealous emotions around him or her. Realize that by not apologizing, you are in actual effect seeking to punish the other person for your feelings. The act of apologizing in itself shouldn't be lengthy or complicated––the fact that you do apologize will help begin to break the cycle. Simply make a conscious decision to stop indulging in suspicions and say to the other person something like: "I'm sorry for asking those questions of you. I've had some silly jealous thoughts that have caused me to imagine what isn't there." This will often be sufficient to give both of you the space to discuss what has just taken place––recognition of your poor behavior and the need to be more open together about what you're going through.
8. Communicate your feelings and dialog about your jealousy problem together;
 Sharing your true feelings with the affected person and talking it through can be a very cathartic and constructive way to start mending the damage done. It can also be a way of creating an ally, someone who will feel able to point out when you make unreasonable jealous demands on him or her without expecting comeback. When talking through what you've been feeling, take heed of the following:
Avoid passing on blame to the other person. His or her behavior is not the cause of your feelings––you are responsible for your feelings.
Stick to "I" statements rather than saying anything that smacks of "you make me feel…". Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that incident happened."
Be aware that how you perceive situations may be completely at odds with how the other person saw them. Stay as open-minded as possible, even though this will probably mean that you sometimes feel extremely defensive. Do your best to keep quiet and listen rather than constantly butting in with justifications.
Above all, be compassionate, both for yourself and for the person you've been offloading your jealousy onto. Recognize the harm you've caused, the harm you've suffered and work with it to find better ways forward. Be passionate about your desire to improve your feelings and try to outgrow jealousy.
In most cases, this won't be a one-off conversation. You'll need to agree to keep coming back to talking any time the green eyed monster gets out of hand again.
9. Bear in mind at all times that feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person;
 Any sense that things are out of control means that you need to transfer the intensity of what you're feeling into something constructive rather than continuing to over-analyze the relationship (or situation). For example, get involved in a sport, some exercise, a hobby or participating in volunteer work. Do something that takes you out of yourself and causes you to focus beyond the relationship or situation and gives you an outlet for your emotions that is healthier than ruminating and raising suspicions.All this doesn't mean escaping from putting two and two together.
10. Learn from your jealousy;
 The ignoble, negative emotions have a role in our lives, one of teaching each of us how to be a better person for struggling and overcoming them. They have a place, just not one that controls you and excuses poor behavior. Some of the things jealousy might be teaching you include:
You are frightened when a relationship is new and still has some way to go before it feels secure. This is a commonplace feeling in young relationships for many people, and both possessiveness as well as sense of vulnerability at getting close to someone, can drive feelings of jealousy.( ...and we're so fond of seducing people; testing our power can become a very harming pass time )
You're afraid someone else will take your job, salary, role, position, and so forth. In this case, it's probable that you're afraid of financial insecurity (survival instinct) or you feel that you're an impostor in your role, the latter an all-too-commonly held false belief in many high-achieving people in the workforce. Remember that you wouldn't have been given the role or position unless other people felt you had earned it.( don't be your worst and closest enemy) Try living up to that trust in you rather than seeing demons hovering in every corner.
You feel your lover has a roving eye. In romantic relationships, both men and women continue to check out other men and women. It's biologically driven and it's natural. However, in the majority of cases, it does not mean that the person wants to leave the relationship he or she is in with you. It is, for most people, about appreciating the human form and not about a roaming eye. This misunderstanding has long created unnecessary jealousy as long as relationships have existed; it can help to accept that it's okay for a person in a committed relationship to look, provided there's no touch!
You listen to people who say mean or exaggerated things and let this direct your emotions. Take a stand ! Be true to yourself and those you love ! All too common, many people are easily convinced by the village gossip because it sounds so compelling and seems like it must be right. The reality is that it rarely is right and it's always far better to not listen to people who chatter away making things up as they go. Let these people go get jobs as celebrity gossip journalists while you get on with facing the facts instead.
You dislike looking within yourself and working through difficult emotions. It's typical to externalize painful emotions, to try and make them someone else's problem than to do the hard work of facing them and dealing with them internally. Jealousy is painful but by facing it, you can repair much internal damage that ultimately makes your relationships stronger and more enduring.
11. Trust yourself;
 Trust begins at home, with yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Begin by making a list of all your good points. Stick this list up somewhere that you can see it regularly, to remind yourself that you're fully equipped with great talent, skills and features already. Moreover, only compare yourself to yourself, always seeking to outdo your last achievement without worrying what other people are doing. Remind yourself daily through a journal, affirmations or other effective way that you have what it takes, like the song goes, to be fulfilled in life. Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily, recurring action––that's why it involves constant practice. In time, the healthier thinking processes will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.
Work on relevant aspects of your self esteem if you feel it's lacking. When you have more confidence in yourself, you'll be less likely to feel jealous.
Read some self-help books on jealousy, you'll feel you're getting your grips on that mean, insidious emotion.

Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving him or her by being possessive or wanting ownership over the person. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing out or being abandoned.

So with that lovelies, we've come to the end of our discussion on Jealousy.... Thank you Amaka for the enlightenment.....

Duru, Moby, Ame, Buiti, Obiamaka n co. I'm still waiting for your guest posts o.....

Till the next time I see you again, Stay Beautiful and Handsome

XOXO

#SERIES & DICUSSIONS// GUEST POST// JEALOUSY

Good day lovelies...... I know y'all have finally forgiven me so I'm here to prove to you that you didn't make a mistake *shines teeth*

Welcome to SERIES TUESDAY...... Our discussion is headed by the one n only Amy Baby of Seyon Hudeyin's Blog and we'll be discussing Jealousy.... so sit tight, read, learn, share, n most importantly, ENJOY!!!!!

JEALOUSY.

The emotion of jealousy is one of the seven negative emotions listed by Napoleon Hill, the others being: the emotion of fear, the emotion of hatred, the emotion of revenge, the emotion of greed, the emotion of superstition and the emotion of anger.

The urban dictionary defines jealousy as

 "the feeling of being threatened by a rival in a romantic relationship on losing something of value to another person which happens to be yours already"

I know from my little experience on earth that jealousy is not only linked to a romantic relationship like the urban dictionary stated so I checked further.

Merriam Webster dictionary defines jealousy as

"being intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness, a. Hostile attitude towards a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage".

Now, I'm very sure we all have experienced jealousy at some points in our lives, give or take but for the purpose of this post, I'll like to categorise jealousy into three.

  1) Jealousy in friendship

Jealousy has the power to ruin  friendships if it is not kept in check.

I remember when I was in the university, I had this particular friend who was consumed by the green eyed monster. If I bought a new dress, she'll buy two, same with shoes etc. It seemed funny to me because she was in was a rat race with herself not me and I really felt for her but hey! *shrugs*

The truth is y'all can bear me witness that even the best of friends can get jealous of each other at all times especially if they are both going after similar things in life, I've been there and I'm sure you have too but the good news is that you have to realise that you are two separate individuals who will make his/her own way even if you have the same goals in mind after all the Bible said;

 "I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor favour to men of skill but time and chance happeneth to them all" - Ecclesiastes 9:12.

Allowing jealousy to seep far into your mind and heart will only rob you of happiness and if you look at it, most times when we feel jealous, self esteem is involved as poor self esteem is the chief cause of Jealousy.

Instead of getting jealous of your friend's achievement, why not use it as an inspiration to having a better life?

2) Jealousy in relationships.
I've heard it over and again that it is normal to exhibit a lil jealousy in a relationship but since jealousy is a negative emotion and like Napoleon Hill stated that

"the presence of a single negative in your conscious mind is sufficient to destroy all change of constructive aid from your subconscious mind".

 There are 1001 ways to show that you care other than exhibiting jealousy.
Without trying to brag or sound modest, I honestly cannot remember exhibiting jealousy in all my relationships, past or present; it doesn't just work for me.
I had a close pal whose boyfriend banned her from having body contact with guys (hugging, shaking, etc). She didn't have a life as he was practically everywhere she was, the only time she could breathe was when she was sleeping, each time I told her To break up with him as he was destroying he life, she would remind me of all the hours of sex she had given him *sigh* I think he knew I didn't like him so he told her I was a bad influence *I'm digressing*
Snooping, keeping tabs on your partner's movement will only give you high blood pressure my dear! Why date someone you do not trust in the first instance?
A dangerous form of jealousy in relationship is morbid jealousy in which the object of contention is sexual infidelity with no claims 99% of the time (imagine). Here, one partner holds. The delusion that their partner is unfaithful. People who Suffer from morbid jealousy stalk their partner and forms of morbid jealousy are obsession and delusion.
Jealousy is not a form of affection, don't be deceived!

.........to be continued..........

My lovely lovelies, I hope y'all learnt a thing or two from Amaka's post o. Please jealousy is evil, don't let the devil use you o.....

Till the next time I see you, stay Beautiful and Handsome& Don't Be Jealous

XOXO