#SERIES& DISCUSSIONS// INSECURITY 2

Hello my lovely lovelies.... All my Oga Bosses and Madam Bossettes how una dey? How's xmas shopping and prepping going down? Anyone needs my help with spending THEIR money? Just holla o.....

Meanwhile, I hope you all like the Christmassy look the blog has taken..... I had to find more ways to wish you my lovely, darling readers a wonderful Christmas celebration.

Today, we'll continue our SERIES TUESDAY discussion on INSECURITY [click here if you missed the first part] and we'll be pointing out the signs of insecurity..... So sit tight, read, comment, share, learn, and most importantly, enjoy.

Below are some signs to tell when someone is acting out of insecurity;

1)   The need to be a control freak;

The need to control can definitely stem from fear (as we discussed here and fear often goes hand in hand with insecurity. Therefore, if your friend or partner always wants to be in control of where you guys eat, what you wear, who you talk to and hang out with, that right there is an insecure person.

2)   Overly Selfish;

An insecure person tries to surround himself with possessions, accolades, and attention. Abundance makes him secure and feel protected. When he has got many”friends” and has a lot of money to support his life, he feels like nothing can get him. It’s obviously the wrong type of security cos it's dependent on external factors.

3)   Needing Approval;

The need for constant reassurance in a relationship is a sign of insecurity. IMO, I don’t see a reason why you need to ask your boyfriend if he loves 12 times a day. If your partner is insecure about herself, she will probably need approval and reassurance all the time. She will always want to know if you like her hair, clothes or her appearance in general. I have a cousin who cannot leave the house without asking everyone’s opinion about her dress. She wakes up by 3am to prepare for work and then she wakes me up by that time to be asking “how do I look?”, at first I didn’t see anything bad about it until I noticed that even when she’s wearing hairnet to go outside the estate to buy something, she will still ask that question. Reassuring an insecure person isn’t going to make them secure unless they seek help first.

4)   Overtly accommodating;

Validation is what insecure people covet all the time. They go out of their way to get appreciation, fish for compliments all the time, they want to be accepted by everyone all the time and feel secure. If someone is indifferent to them or doesn’t give them the approval, then they get stuck on the idea of winning the person over or label the person as the enemy. For this reason, they would take any form of crap from anybody as long as the person is constantly “stroking their egos”.

5)   Showing Jealousy;

An insecure partner or friend becomes jealous of the things you do or achieve apart from him/her. He becomes jealous of the time you spend with other people. When for example, you get a promotion at work, she complains it will mean time away from her. Instead of coming to terms with the fact that you both have other friends, he becomes angry and jealous if you choose to spend time with others. Everyone deals with jealousy at some point, but if your partner is constantly jealous of your achievements, activities and friendships, this is a sign that she may be dealing with a serious case of insecurity.

6)   Inability to Handle Criticism and Overly Defensive;

They are not comfortable with their own self. When someone constructively criticizes them, they take it as an attack on themselves. They have the tendency to take everything personally. For example, when your colleague does an unsatisfactory job and you point it out (constructively), if the person is an insecure person, what she hears is, You’re stupid, you’re dull, you can’t do anything right. Even if the criticism isn’t directly on things involving them, they take it on themselves. It is very difficult to hold a constructive conversation with an insecure person.

7)   Smothering You;

She wants to be with you all the time even when you’re doing something she has no interest in. he becomes possessive and tries to control your activities and whereabouts. She wants to know where you are at every minute of the day, calls and texts you every minute of the day. He complains when you want to do something without him. That’s insecurity there. Some of us might mistake it for love or caring or mushiness but trust me, love isn’t insecure, neither does it smother you.

8)   Distrusting Others;

Insecure people sometimes become distrustful- even if you’re doing all you can to reassure them. This can manifest as criticism towards your family and friends.

9)   Overly Authoritative and Bullying;

Insecure people are threatened by others most of the time and therefore they bully others to crush their opinions. They are either very competitive in nature or suck up very easily to the people who are in authority. They tend to be overly authoritative as they tend to compensate for their lack of confidence by taking out their frustrations on their subordinates. They feel more powerful in other people’s docility for them.

10)               Overly Sexual;

The overly sexual behavior also portrays insecurity as the  person treats his/her sexuality as a crutch to get other’s attention. For them, sex is just another way to win and prove their worth.

.........to be continued.........

So my lovelies, what other signs other than those above have you noticed in an insecure person? Please, do tell.....

Till I see you next time, Stay Handsome, Beautiful and CONFIDENT

XOXO