Hello.... hello.... hello my lovely lovelies..... the aaaahhhhs in my shoki..... Welcome to SERIES TUESDAY.......
Today, we'll be discussing INSECURITY..... I did a brief post on Insecurity here..... Oya stop reading and gaan read it first then come back.....
Shey you're back eh, oya sit down, read, comment, share, learn, and most importantly enjoy.
From our previous discussions on jealousy, we were able to establish that jealousy more often times than not, is as a result of insecurity. Insecurity could be as a result of low self esteem, lack of confidence or sometimes, overconfidence.
For instance, you believe you’re the best at say customer service in your workplace, and then a newbie who probably is just as good as you or even better, joins the company and becomes everyone’s favorite. It is possible that he isn’t aware of the friction he might be causing, but you in all of your overconfidence will see him as a threat, and your insecurities of being overthrown make you act out, you could become a bully or begin to bad mouth him and a whole lot of other crazy things
We all deal with insecurity at some point or another; it’s a natural way to try and gauge our every actions. I would like us to all know that we all have insecurities. We all have areas in our lives in which we aren’t 100% confident or perfect, it’s part of our existence.
I, for example, have mad insecurities about my booblessness. It’s so bad that I walk around in my nighties with a bra on until I’m in my room, and by bra, I mean really really padded bra. I remember back then in secondary school when my mates started growing seeds in their breasts and I couldn’t feel anything in mine, I was as flat as a slate, then they moved on to wearing bras and I was stuck on jumpers. I became so embarrassed about it that I went and bought a bra with my pocket money and I’d stuff it with my socks before wearing it so that people will think I had boobs too. Another thing I’m probably insecure about would be my drawings….. Lawd Gawd….. those things are awful!!!! As in I can’t draw to save my own life. Recently on TTT, we had an art competition of the sort, I couldn’t participate cos I mean, my drawing is even worse than Tibs rendition of Amazing Grace.
In my opinion, insecurities are just pronouncements of fear. Fear of the judgments of others; fear of the arbitrary thoughts others might think and feel about us. Insecurity is simply our reaction to one of the only things we have absolutely no control over, and that is the way other people think about us and perceive us and judge us.
So, for the purpose of this post, I went to my best friend Google to help me with the types of insecure people we have. He gave me these 5;
- Those who wrap themselves in positivity and pretend they have no insecurities: You see the thing about these people, they live in denial as we discussed here. Most of us do not want to be perceived as negative people but the truth is that, the moment you begin to lie to yourself about things that you ought not to, you have become a negative person. These people I’ll like to call PERMA-POSITIVE, have the “nothing can ever get me down cos I’m in charge of my destiny and my own happiness, therefore there’s no room for insecurities in my life” talk to give all the time. Take for example someone who is scared of heights and just because everybody is going skydiving, he quotes PHIL 4:13; I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGHTENS ME and joins them then probably has a panic attack and something bad happens to him up there. That wasn’t an optimistic or positive person, he was just plain stupid. What happened to baby steps?
- Those who verbally and constantly doubt themselves and put themselves down: these set of people are called NEGATIVITY. They’re the reasons the first set of people live in denial cos they don’t want to be like them. These set of people in their own eyes have no good attribute or talents or gifts or nothing, they can do no good in their own sights. Most of the time, they’re quiet until they’re called upon to perform a task, then they begin to tell the world all the things they suck at, all the talents they don’t seem to have and throw a grandiose pity party over it. We definitely have been around people like this at different points in our lives. Working with people like these is very tiring, cos you probably have to carry 90% of the workload, as well as try your possible best not to make them feel bad about themselves while you want to celebrate your achievements.
- Those who tackle their insecurities with humor: I pretty much fall into this category maybe cos I’m quite shameless and by the help of God I’ve come to realize it’s who I am. But I had a post on my insecurities and how I worked through them here, and I realized I became a comedian just to get people to back off from the things I worried about the most. Right now, I’m the first one to make a joke about how small my boobs are or how large my eyes are, so that you don’t bother thinking “oh…. I can make her sad by criticizing her drawings” or anything of the sort. It’s like when we tell Ada, ”Nigger, your nose is too large” and she be like, “it helps me smell bullshit from a long distance” now that’s humor.
- Those who make up all sorts of fabulous stories and tales about themselves that aren't true: these people are pathological liars, they don’t even know when these lies come out, all them LIANUS MBA. Bring up a story from your vacation in Cotonu, and they’ll spring up one fancy story about their trip to the Bahamas. I know a guy like this, the guy dey lie ehnnnnn, even his brothers used to tell us that if he greets us good morning, we have to check the clock or go outside to be sure that it’s actually morning before we can answer him. The incessant, unnecessary lying on its own is an insecurity sef without their knowledge.
- Those who act out of insecurity to try and cover it up: these are the hardest type of insecure people to spot cos they sometimes don’t know it, and the ones who do will deny it immediately. Most jealous people that act on their jealousy fall under this category. People like this when in relationships, and then they suddenly have this nudge that their partner is cheating (and they always do have this nudge), act out on their insecurity by either starting a cold war with their partner, or calling them out, or the crazy ones that actually cause bodily harms to their partners or the suspected third party in their “nudges”. There’s this channel I stumbled on some time ago that shows crimes and how they’re solved, some of the crimes they called CRIMES OF PASSION or so, were perpertrated by people in this category. My friend who I described in my post on HeyNaija also falls in this category.
............to be continued..............
So my lovelies, what are your insecurities? How have you been able to work through them so far?
Till the next time I see you, Stay Handsome and Beautiful