ALCOHOL

"With reference to last week's post, i wish to inform you that Half of a Yellow Sun has been approved for viewing in Nigeria!!! This was announced on friday evening after my post was in. So rejoice and begin to save for your movie tickets and popcorn."

I can imagine the look on my father's face when he sees this title, then he'd say,

"Esther my daughter, is this what I trained you to do? Drink and advice people on what and how to drink?" Well, dear daddy, your darling daughter isn't an alcoholic o! I don't know what alcohol tastes like (I can see people's eyebrows displacing already o! World people!!). Oya enough saintly talk! I drink like once in four (4) months *grins* unlike my drunken friends (catch your subs jejely now o). Well I am not an alcoholic so don't call to refer me to any of your AA meetings after you read this o! Anyways, viewer discretion is needed for this piece (did I sound formal enough? Hehehehehe)
While I served my fatherland in Port-Harcourt, I attended a friend's friend's friend's birthday party (mo'gbo, mo'ya) at a place called Beer Barn. I liked the environment and everything there, the drinks and food were quite expensive (like everything in PHC); but then wetin concern me, no be me dey pay?
Now to what inspired this piece; on the first page of the menu were ten (10) reasons to drink. I'm not going to list the reasons here cos I'd want you to go there and see for yourself. Besides, I don't want anybody saying I encouraged them to drink. But to be  honest, these ten (10) reasons correct die!!!! Never would I have imagined them on my own, but they were really true.
On the other pages of the menu were little notes I don't mind sharing with you. So read through and tell me if you believe or this they're true.
1. As far as I'm concerned, vodka is a methylated spirit, gin is adulterated piss and rum is just ox-blood coloured sugar with gin and vodka. At least that's what my drunk friends tell me.
2.  You can't be a real country unless you have beer and an airline, it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
N.B: Nigeria has a football team and beer as well so I guess we are a real country.
3. A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure.
4. That's the problem with drinking I thought as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens, you drink in attempt to forget; if something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens, you drink yo make something happen.
Well, I think number 4 is very true. So my lovelies what do y'all think?
So as I was about to drop my pen, I remembered how big the bouncers were and I didn't want any of you my darlings to have any troubles getting in, so I went back to get the ten (10) reasons for you guys (See the picture below)
Before I forget, Drink Responsibly 18+ cos drinkers are liable to die young. Uhoh!!! The advert said smokers sorry. Hehehehehehe!!!!! I know your hearts just skipped *tongue out*
Ciao!!!!!!!!