Thursday, November 06, 2014

RANTS// STOPEEEEET

*grabs megaphone* Testing mic 1,2.... Mic check 1,2
Hi my lovelies, I'm here to rant about my worst bus experience ever.... so rant with me if you've ever experienced this....
On Friday, I took a bus from Ikeja to Mile 2. Only God knows how i waka n enter that kind of bus o, but the weird weird things I experienced ehn, just sit tight and be angry with me.
The male that sat next to me was very very very (that's 3 very shey?) fat, and he smelled, like really smelled. His mouth was oozing, I could see the wax in his ears, he had no neck, he was smelling of sweat and something else I couldn't quite place, and I think I could smell his butt crack.
I was like this
Well, to top these injustice he was doing to my olfactory nerves, he was very clumsy, he refused to keep his hands in one place which was inconveniencing me seriously, I felt like I was going to choke to death with all the stink coming out of him...

To top it all, for some weird reasons, his crotch started to scratch him. Lawd! Gawd!! At first, he scratched it through his trousers, when it didn't work, he decided to dip his hands in to scratch. He had this "I'm about to cum" face.... eeeeeewwwwwwww..... Then the worst of all, as he was about to alight, he decided that my legs looked like wood n he just stepped on my feet, and then cut my favourite slippers, this slippers is my bathroom, wakabout, n anything u can call it, slippers.

Next annoying ordeal, please ladies spend your money on good panties, na beg i dey beg una o. The lady who sat in front of me had these low waist jeans on and her panties were out. These panties were not only fugly, they were tearing and shredding (Abeg they still dey produce tissue pants?) Her wide and long stretch marks were all out for the world to see. I swear I had to mentally chain and restrain myself from dipping my pen into her ass.

The last but not the least thing that happened that almost left me in tears; there were these nursing mothers behind me. One's baby was sleeping peacefully while the other's was fussy and crying her head out. Normal thing na, everybody was shouting, "E fun looyan na" (Give am breast na), immediately she pulled her flabby breasts out and shoved them in the child's mouth.

See ehn, the child was still wailing o even with the breasts in her mouth... I don't blame the child o, why will my mother's breasts be that ugly na. Now I'm not against public breastfeeding o, but there's no way you'll catch me doing it. Any pikin wey cry for outside, I go mix akanmu or cerelac give am drink....
This is the proper way to breastfeed.... no go dey reduce money wey your husband pay for your head
The painful part was when one elderly woman claimed she wasn't doing the breastfeeding properly and just caught the mother's breasts and held it "properly" in the child's mouth. See ehn, that thing is all shades of wrong!!!! If we're not related, do not touch my breasts, else i'll sue you for attempted lesbianism.
In all of these, the child was wailing her head off... their brains didn't tell them that it was probably the heat that was making the child cry. 10mins later, the child was cryimg, and my head was aching like cray, then one man said, "Boya oo tii yaa'gbe" (she's probably uncomfortable cos she's soiled herself). Immediately I started to pray to God that the woman would ignore that 'wonderful" suggestion. But no! She just pulled the pampers open and exposed the poor child's private parts to the world. Worse of all was when she told her friend, Kafaya, "joo baami check e, booya oo tii yaagbe tooto" (Help me check if she has really soiled herself).
For God's sakes, y'all know how bad babies' poo stink shey? Well, the bus was stinking so bad of the child's poo, yet she was stupidly asking if the child had really pooed.

*sighs* This was my ordeal on Friday o. So I'm begging all you good readers of THE WAY ESTHER SEES IT to join my foundation- LET'S BUY ESTHER A CAR. I'm tired of this kinda life. If the car is too much, just help me write petitions to bus drivers to screen their passengers, and stop letting smelly people into their buses.



17 comments:

  1. heheheheheh Turn up Turn up.. I am first to comment... :) I hope no comment waiting Moderation something here ooo...

    ReplyDelete
  2. okay.. So there is comment moderatin **Sad face... **Sad face Again.. heheheheheh So you went through all that in one day.. @ The ladies with low waist jean.. heheheheh That one almost had me put my hand on my head in a fit to shout Ewo!! hehehehh dont worry bubba, someday we all will be rich. lmao @ the Oga Boss that sat next to you, the good thing about when i board buses from Ikeja to Mile 2 Esther Koko is that due to the huge traffic tendencies, i always.. Emphasis on ALWAYS!!! pick a good sit mate.. Mostly women! hehehe a brother needs to get his groove on sometimes nah... **Winks Cheers Bubba.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wish I had that information earlier Bubba

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. network is messing me up oh.
      This is why I hate entering public transport and I've tried to avoid it as much as I can here.
      Next time look before you sit beside someone ehn, that's what I do.

      Delete
    2. Shey I told you to buy me car u no gree

      Delete
  4. Try moving from ojora(ajegunle) to mushin olosha,U'd love the ikeja-mile2 trip ah swear! Have u ever been in a bus with fufu women?..*ah ah*.. U dey close ur nose abi?..exactly ma point!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The car thing is a no-brainer tho..We'll work on that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg buy that car sharp sharp o so that i won't have to try the ojora trip

      Delete
  6. Wow all in one ride, that's why I try to limit my public transport as much as possible..but it's never this bad in edo state
    Divadiari.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know it doesn't... people in buses in Benin r more arranged na

      Delete
  7. Lmao! I'm jst imagining how d strange woman carried another woman's breast in public

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Kafaya jo bami check e, boya o ti yagbe ni tooto"
    I read it ystday and it's still making me laugh today.
    Be happy that it wasn't a long distance journey.wetin you go do?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lool babe you funny o, I tire for people and they wonder why I spend the whole time in bathroom..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know y people cannot take care of their bodies o

      Delete
  10. Ewoooo Esther youbdon suffer fa. Kilode. All in one day in one bus. Awwwww I wanted to laugh at some point but then I decided not to cos it might annoy you more. Esther sorry ehn. Pele. Please can I share this rant on my blog for rant thursday. This is too funny...pleaseeeee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moby is not a small something o... Don't worry laugh all you can o... i've started laughing at myself don't worry
      Yes feel free to share it with the world so they can contribute to my project of buying my car

      Delete

I appreciate all your lovely comments....... Don't leave without dropping a word

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