Tuesday, October 21, 2014


*drum roll*
Good day lovelies!! It's Tuesday!! I hope your Monday wasn't as bleeehh as mine? Welcome to the premiere of SERIES TUESDAY !!!
Today, we'll be discussing REACTION DISORDERS ! Okay.... alright, I'm not discussing anything medical biko,
I'll leave that for Aybee, Obiamaka n co.
Well, I couldn't think of a perfect title, so i used the first thing that came to my small head..... So my doctor friends, y'all can chill now, I'm not going to make any blunders.
When things happen to us, do you think there's a textbook approach or reaction which should be the standard reaction for everybody? I do not think so because, we were all created differently, we are different people, therefore, we are permitted to react as our brains and body systems please (every mallam with him own kettle).
So today, we'll be looking at a few "reaction disorders "- the way we react when life changing events occur, mostly when it's something bad. For illustrative purposes, I decided to use the housewives in Desperate Housewives as examples for each reaction. I've been on some psychology shii for a year plus now, and i must confess, I love it. I'll be quoting a few lines from the texts as well.....
  • Mary Alice Young; Avoidance
Mary Alice Young was the narrator of the series. She had shot herself to run away from her problems, the blackmail, in fact, she ran away from her life as a whole, left her hubby and son behind. None of her friends had a clue as to why she had committed suicide cos she looked like she had no worries in the world.
Mary Alice Young
Daniel Goleman describes avoidance as;
simply finding ways of avoiding having to face uncomfortable situations, things or activities. it may include removing oneself physically from a situation. it may also involve finding ways not to discuss or even think about the topic in question.
 Avoidance is a coping mechanism in which the avoider simply doesn't cope. For example, when feelings of discomfort appear, the avoider finds ways of not experiencing them. Procastination is also another form of avoidance, where we put off things that could be done today till tomorrow in order to avoid facing them today.
I know someone that always wants to talk of happy things even when deep down, she's dying. Initially, i admired her "strenght", but when I got closer to her, I realised she was actually avoiding. She's of the "Don't Ask; Don't Tell" school. She'll never ask you about your boyfriend because, asking you will lead to a lot of other gists, which will lead back to her catching her boyfriend pants down with someone else.
Avoiders consciously and unconsciously run away from confrontations like no man biz. They'd rather hide behind the shadows than face their problems. Since problems never go away unless they're solved, their problems just sit around waiting for them and probably escalate while they wait.
How Do We Help Them?
To get someone to face what they're avoiding, you may have to corner them otherwise, present them with a situation where they're unable to avoid the situation. However, tone down the confrontation down a notch, it's hard for them too and they might fight you back real hard.
  • Bree Van De Kamp; Denial
In one of the bios about this character, she was described as Wisteria Lane's resident neurotic and perfectionist homemaker, whose strong resolve and proper demeanour were both her greatest assets, as well as the source of nearly all her personal trouble. Bree who was ready to lay beds nobody had slept in to keep up the picture of her perfect marriage in her head, and pretend tennis classes to cover up the trips to the marriage counsellor.
Bree Van De Kamp

Denial is simply refusing to acknowledge that an even has occurred. The person affected simply acts like nothing has happened, behaving in ways that others may see as bizarre.
We all know people like this shey? People who never admit there is an issue at hand. For example, alcoholics or generally people with addiction issues vigorously deny that they have a problem. One of the 12 steps in AA classes is acceptance (I had to go through those steps to deal with my garri addiction).
According to changingminds.org,
Denial in its full form, it's totally subconscious, and sufferers may be as mystified by the behaviour of people around them as those people are by the behaviour of the sufferers. It may also have a significant conscious element, where the sufferer is simply "turning a blind eye" to an uncontrollable situation.
For example, a man hears that his wife has been killed in an acident, and yet refuses to believe it, still goes ahead to set the table for her, keeps her clothes and her belongings in his bedroom.
Denial is a form of repression, where stressful thoughts are banned from the memory. However, people engaging in denial can pay a high cost in terms of the psychic energy needed to maintain the denial state. I mean, they're more prone to mental, and nervous breakdowns.
A friend of mine claims that if he doesn't think of it, then he doesn't have to suffer the associated stress of having to deal with it. I remember back in school, he had serious issues with acada, instead of facing them headon or doing something about it, he took to partying with people who had no issues making the 4point. When asked about the issues, he'd say it was a fault from the faculty, something we all know was a big fat lie. By the time he was ready to accept his issues, he had been asked to withdraw.
How Do We Help Them?
Be patient and understand that we are all different. Without acting or sounding judgemental, calmly explain the facts surrounding the situation to the sufferer. Try not to take their denial personally and encourage talks about the very things they want to deny. Not necessarily all at once, just bit by bit, till they begin to grasp reality.
................to be continued ...........
So my lovelies, I've tried to explain two reaction disorders to the best of my knowledge. On second thoughts, I'm beginning to think I should change the title to Coping Mechanisms
Until then, which of these two housewives are you? What are your thoughts on these coping mechanisms? Do you know anyone who is either an avoider or living in denial? How do you cope around them, and how have you tried to help them?
Until the next time I see you again, Stay Beautiful


  1. Waoh! Your posts are always very thoughtful and on point
    However I think most people have all gone through either or both of this reactions at one time or the other.
    On a normal level You hear something and you think No!No!No. This can't be true. It isn't true. it better not be true. Until the truth then refuses to be denied.
    Some people get over it quicker than others.
    Wallowing in avoidance or denial is a disorder.

    1. Thank you Funmi!!!
      Hmmm... didn't think of it like that

  2. **grumbles to self** I dunno why I keep pissing everyone off....**sigh**....hehe...Okay mami...the denial one....Mami...in my opinion...I think the quickest way to help such people is to destroy that 'thing' that is serving as their thread of hope....I know it is a violent approach buh mami...people in denial are possessive and obsessive.....they are a big danger to themselves and others....so for a man who has refused to accept his wife is dead and still hangs on to her stuffs...the best way will be to get rid of all her stuffs....I mean....seeing just his stuffs in his closet usually snaps them back to reality...saw a movie similar to that scenario....howdy mamacita......**smiling** Its been a while I saw it the way Esther sees it...

    1. Yaaayyy Mami!! Where v u been?
      Hmmmm.... the violent approach *shivers* it just might either help them get over it, or send them spinning into another form of repression

  3. I normally don't read long epistles but this one got me. I've met a few avoiders and its not a very funny thing being them. These people can be suicidal if the case become unbearable. I think you stated the best ways to help these set of people and I'm loving Tuesdays series. Are you really a garri addict? I love how you said the 1st step is acceptance which you did. Funny girl. I'll keep looking forward to Tuesdays. Thumbs up

    1. Yaaayyyyy!! I made Moby a believer of epistles *pops collar*
      Well I am a proud garri addict!! I tried to work through the addiction but you know..... at least now I can walk past a bag of garri without having the urge to pack some and put in my mouth or think of soakies...

  4. Seriously you are a garri addict......mehn!.... I love garri too with big fried fish......heheheheheheheg.......avoiders are way not my type ...I have a few as friends but I had to keep them at arm length.......but now I will try to help them with the knowledge I have gotten here......long but interesting post

    Moment with Zoe

    1. Zoe! Yaa a tiff... fried fish abi...
      Lol @ arms length
      Thank you for reading

  5. Kai, I would come back to read this. Having this terrible eye achemm

  6. I think I do the denial most times, infact I'm in denial about an issue that is so glaring right now. It helps to take my mind iff being sad but in the end, the issue is still there *sigh*

    1. Hahahaha!!! Babes do you need me to hit you with an iron chair to snap you into reality? *lol*
      As long as you've accepted that there is actually a problem, then you'll get out of it soon

  7. I am a 'it has happen let's get over it' kinda girl. Most people that are avoiders or in denial need help like you have stated. We all need God to strengthen us in all situations.



I appreciate all your lovely comments....... Don't leave without dropping a word

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