Thursday, April 30, 2015

Ladies and gentlemen of the blogger fam, the prodigal sister is here again. I can't say I'm back cos I know I'm still in hibernation, so lemme just play catch up while I'm here.
Dear Diary,
9:00am on Friday, the 23rd, my calendar and reminder begin to buzz. I look at my screen and I realise it's my schedule for my #DearDiarySeries. "Oh shit! I whisper to myself. I picked up my pen and notepad hoping one of the many posts I had drafted would flow like water from the ink, 30mins later I was still trying to construct two sentences. So I packed up, hoping to continue after breakfast.
Fast forward to Monday, the 27th, I still had no idea of what to write, not just for the blog. I couldn't put words together to draft a proposal n letter that could define my career. "Oh well, shit happens! I'll just prepare the #DearDiarySeries for the 16-for-16 challenge (if Janyl Beryl does that). Who knows I just might shut down the blog before then sef..." I say to myself as I give up on virtually everything.
Wednesday, the 30th, I wake up at my lowest, give myself a little pep talk to push me for the day, and start my day. I pick up the phone and I see Duru's comment on the blog and I feel my spirits drop again.
...... end of story......
Honestly, I won't be writing this post if not for Duru who begged, solicited, bribed, cried and literally dragged me here.... for that I'm grateful to everyone who has mailed, texted, called and whatever to check up on me, or refreshed this page since my sabbatical leave started. You guys are the Realest MVPs and I love you like I love Ijebu garri and brown groundnuts.
You see in this part of Africa, I don't think anybody ever considers depression as important; my parents actually call it mood swings, as long as you're not lying in bed, shivering or running temperature, then nothing is wrong with you. About 2 weeks ago, my mom looked at me and commented that I was shrinking and looking sick, when I told her I was depressed, she just hissed and left my room like I didn't say anything *shrugs*
I've been in a terrible place for a few months now, and I've been trying to just float until the storm passed. Unlike before, this used to be my venting ground, and every time I dropped a post, I felt lighter or maybe I imagined it. But as time passed, the pains ate deeper and the need to stay away from here got stronger (I probably don't want to infect you my lovelies) which is why I've been away.
I can't categorically state what issues there are here, but I needed to drop the #DearDiarySeries before the month ended. And like Duru said, it is not tales by moonlight, but it's here....

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