Friday, May 16, 2014


Hi lovelies! Thank God it's finally Friday *whew*. How did y'all enjoy or endure your week? Mine was hectic.
I want to believe that anyone who has read The Thing Around Your Neck (Cell One) by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, at some point made a mental list while reading that story.
This list consisted of parents who are guilty of overpampering kids, living in denial as to how bad their kids are, covering up kids' wrongdoings to avoid punishments. I made a list too.
And to be honest, the appalling parenting methods Chimamanda illustrated in that story are REAL. In fact, it's worsened . Have you ever stayed somewhere with a family and after a while, the urge to flog (Yes! I mean flog with 3mouth koboko) both the parent(s) and the child(ren) becomes strong? I have those feelings too so don't judge yourself *big hug*.
Growing up, I had this mentality that "Obodo oyibo" trained children were spoilt rotten. I don't know how I developed it, but some relatives that trained their kids abroad fuelled the fire some more with their children's rotten attitudes, and their own incessant complaints of how they were not allowed to spank their kids for the fear of social services and children welfare. Far back as then, I wondered how those kids would amount to anything useful as adults with such training.
Fast forward to about 12 years, here I am, a prospective parent, then it dawns on me that the Nigeria where the said relatives brought their children to be trained like Africans (as they said it then), has become what they were trying to avoid.
The new generation parents have little or no control over their children, spoiling them rotten, covering up their wrongdoings to avoid punishments, buying them gifts that are totally uncalled for and undeserved, etc. The list is endless and I'm sure you'd be adding yours to the list. Our schools are just as bad, no form of discipline whatsoever. All the schools are concerned about is the exorbitant amounts of money they receive as school fees. They've scrapped corporal punishment and turned schools to the frigging carnival cos OUR new generation parents don't want their kids spanked after paying the exorbitant school fees.
As bad as this used to sound then, I remember that when parents couldn't control their kids, they sent them to hostels (most of us were enrolled in boarding houses like this *winks*), after a term in the hostel (when seniors don take him eye see pepper), the parents testified to the transformation.
Few weeks back, I went to the slot to buy a phone (after going hungry for days to save! Lol!). I saw two women browsing through the options (we would call them Preye and Tami in the illustration). "What do you need another big phone for again Tami? You have three (3) already." Preye asked, "It's not for me o, I'm buying it for my daughter now! Wetin I go dey buy Q5 for when I get Z30!" replied Tami. I'm sure like 10 flies entered Preye's open mouth. After a while she asked again, "You mean you are buying a blackberry Q5 for your 12 year old daughter? What's the occasion? How was her last term result? Hope she topped her class?" Tami rolled her eyes "I'm buying it just because! Duh!" she shrugged and walked away.
A little while later, I saw Preye making a call and she looked very suspicious. So being the amebo I am (i know you people are already cussing me out *tongue out*), I moved closer to eavesdrop (my mother taught me not to but I can't help it). Then I heard her talking to Tami's husband and reporting her friend. From the convo, I gathered that the child was among the last five (5) in her class yet she was going to get a blackberry (I wonder what the top of the class would get then *smh*). I decided I had heard enough and walked away.
Don't get me wrong here! I no dey beef the girl or her mama o! I mean, she looked like she could afford to change her daughter's phone every month without shaking, but then, what lesson would she be teaching her daughter?
Now, this is just an instance of a family, and we know from Civic Education that Nigeria consists of states, local government areas, villages, communities, clans, and families. So assuming majority of the families are like this instance, imagine what Nigeria looks like. All of these, just made me realize that if OUR Nigeria is this decadent, I can only imagine what America and Europe is like.
I grew up okay, like, I had all I needed and things my agemates had. But with that kind of result, I'd be lucky if I saw my friends during the holidays or watched TV, talk more of getting a new phone. I used to dread going home if I felt I had fallen below expectations.
I have cousins, nieces and nephews in diaspora and I've just had this image of some spoilt little brats, slamming doors and screaming in shrill voices "Mom! Get the hell out of my room! Dad! Shut up!!" *make God forgive me sha*
I spoke with my grandma recently and she lives in one of their houses. Then out of curiosity and to confirm my fears, I asked, "Granny how are them Oby doing? I haven't seen them on facebook or any social network." Granny shouted, "Face gini? Oby does not have a phone sef. The computer she got for assignments was seized cos her dad saw her watching some funny videos of her classmates."
Immediately, e be like sey they pour me cold water, I weak.
Then it occurred to me that parenting is overly dependent on the parent(s) and nothing more. What you don't want your kid doing or being, he won't.
So lovelies, this is it. You may not agree with me, but then again, it's just The Way Esther Sees It.
Buh byeeeee lovelies!!!! Enjoy your weekend and feel free to invite me over if there's an extra seat *winks*

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