Friday, June 13, 2014

........... A SCAM I BELIEVED

I am not one to regret anything. I try not to feel remorse about things I didn't or don't have control over and things I said or did long time ago. However, every morning for the past two weeks, my waking up and going to bed has been plagued by the regret of something I said about twenty (20) years ago, " I can't wait to grow up". *sighs*

All the grown ups were doing a lot of cool stuffs back then. They were driving, wore whatever they wanted and they seemed to get away with anything. I couldn't wait to grow up cos I wanted to avoid washing plates (something I enjoy doing now), I wanted to run away from solving arithmetic problems, I wanted to go to boarding house so I could enjoy my Milo and milk all alone. In all of these, my lesson is, GROWING UP IS A SCAM I BELIEVED.
Some time ago, my friend, Doreen,, told me she took her kid sister to see Smurfs 2 and decided to watch it with her. She said she cried so hard during the movie and I remembered laughing at her and calling her "agbaya" even though in my mind I was wishing I had gone with them.
I hate watching cartoons now cos I know at some point I'd get overly engrossed and forget every other thing. I don't like going for children's parties anymore cos I know I'll be tempted to join them tumbling on the bouncing castle or join their chair dance (if you like call me agbaya *tongue out*). Everyday I blame the adults around me then for not warning me of the scam I so much believed in.
I remember making sand cakes with Granny's bowls, I miss my uncles carrying me and throwing me up then catching me, I miss my sister and I speaking fake languages that we didn't even understand when we were around people. I remember my cooking escapades when I pounded ogbono and used grass as vegetables then left it in the sun to heat after adding so much oil and water. I remember how my aunts and older cousins used to send me away whenever a discussion was going on cos they called me RECORDER, so I mastered my lipreading skills so I could still report them even when I wasn't in the room.
As a child, I used to concoct stories without much thoughts. I can lie for federal that time ehnnnnnnn (I don't anymore o) and I remember Granny always saying "Esther will lie in advance for tomorrow so in case she's not around tomorrow, her lie will be waiting for u". One day, my uncle, who is also a Pastor, got tired of Granny's complaints and my many stories and called me to the balcony to warn me. He said the next time I lied again, he'd feed me with soap. In my head, I said something related to today's " I pray o!!!!!!!! If I hear say I chop soap". But I nodded my head plenty times like the good girl I was and went inside. As the devil planned it for me, I ran into Granny who asked what my uncle was warning me about. I could have easily told the truth o, but the devil had plans for me that day. That's how I concocted one story I can't remember now sef not knowing my uncle was behind me. As I finished telling my story, that's how slap landed on my face *TWAI*, it was my uncle. Next thing he had dragged me to the bathroom and told me I was going to finish one Imperial Leather soap. Omo!!!!!!! I die wake up. I cried ooooooo, nothing changed, the soap was still there smiling at me. My uncle then said I should choose between eating the soap and 12 strokes of the cane. I just shouted, "Uncle Rex, even 24 strokes, I will manage." Long story short sha, I didn't go to school the next day (you know why shey?).
So my lovelies, if you also think growing up was a scam you believed too, drop your fondest and funniest childhood memories let's all have a good, hearty laugh.


  1. I remember that when i was younger playing football on the streets was one of my strongest disobedience. Would come back from school,drop my uniform just anywhere, go outside and play football and as usual when i see my parents from a distance, see movement,sharp sharp arrangement and washing of legs. On this very day, mumsy had seen us from,a distance, we(my siblings) saw her like 2 min later,as usual we did the usual. She came in changes from her work clothes then calls me over. I come like the good son, then she bends and touches thse back of my ankle, o boy see dirty,she then asks for my assignment,as i was trying to concoct a story,see better back hand wey land formy face, the rest u can guess,some serious rounds of punishment and no dinner.

  2. My name was radio then! I can report!!! Put every1 in problem! (˘̯˘ )/ Anyways,growing up is a scam!!!!

  3. So many childhood memories... I'm gonna drop just one. I returned from school one faithful day and as usual it was just me, my aunt and d security guy at home. The sitting room was usually locked so I don't go watching cartoon. Immediately the driver dropped me and reversed I could hear my neighbor's playing footy. I couldn't help not going to join them. Already I knew the security guy who was my worst enemy then would never let me step out of the house, I took to the fence through the gen house gate and I had started playing footy with my neighbor . Few minutes later I heard my aunt shouting my name around our compound. I knew my problem had began. The last thing I wanted was for her to know I jumped the fence. After carefully waiting for her to go back into d house I quickly jumped back in and pretended I was at the BQ all along. Unfortunately for me that lie didn't hold weight. Unknown to me she had gone round the compound and was very sure I wasn't in the premises. Then I was reported to Mum by the gateman and Mum reported me to Dad's younger broda (May God rest his soul). I was interrogated and cross interrogated later that night. It felt my whole world had crumbled. Everyone who came by would tell me d worst and I'd be so scared. But most of all I didn't want my Dad to hear. So my uncle said we should come to an agreement. The plan was for my Dad not to hear but that I would get 24 lashes of the cane I would buy with my lunch money. I agreed to that. Getting home the next day my uncle had bought a bigger cane and I almost fainted at the sight of the cane. LOL. I learned my lesson for a short time before I upgraded my disobedience lol. More stories shortly. Lol


I appreciate all your lovely comments....... Don't leave without dropping a word

You May Also Like

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...