I am not one to regret anything. I try not to feel remorse about things I didn't or don't have control over and things I said or did long time ago. However, every morning for the past two weeks, my waking up and going to bed has been plagued by the regret of something I said about twenty (20) years ago, " I can't wait to grow up". *sighs*
All the grown ups were doing a lot of cool stuffs back then. They were driving, wore whatever they wanted and they seemed to get away with anything. I couldn't wait to grow up cos I wanted to avoid washing plates (something I enjoy doing now), I wanted to run away from solving arithmetic problems, I wanted to go to boarding house so I could enjoy my Milo and milk all alone. In all of these, my lesson is, GROWING UP IS A SCAM I BELIEVED.
Some time ago, my friend, Doreen,, told me she took her kid sister to see Smurfs 2 and decided to watch it with her. She said she cried so hard during the movie and I remembered laughing at her and calling her "agbaya" even though in my mind I was wishing I had gone with them.
I hate watching cartoons now cos I know at some point I'd get overly engrossed and forget every other thing. I don't like going for children's parties anymore cos I know I'll be tempted to join them tumbling on the bouncing castle or join their chair dance (if you like call me agbaya *tongue out*). Everyday I blame the adults around me then for not warning me of the scam I so much believed in.
I remember making sand cakes with Granny's bowls, I miss my uncles carrying me and throwing me up then catching me, I miss my sister and I speaking fake languages that we didn't even understand when we were around people. I remember my cooking escapades when I pounded ogbono and used grass as vegetables then left it in the sun to heat after adding so much oil and water. I remember how my aunts and older cousins used to send me away whenever a discussion was going on cos they called me RECORDER, so I mastered my lipreading skills so I could still report them even when I wasn't in the room.
As a child, I used to concoct stories without much thoughts. I can lie for federal that time ehnnnnnnn (I don't anymore o) and I remember Granny always saying "Esther will lie in advance for tomorrow so in case she's not around tomorrow, her lie will be waiting for u". One day, my uncle, who is also a Pastor, got tired of Granny's complaints and my many stories and called me to the balcony to warn me. He said the next time I lied again, he'd feed me with soap. In my head, I said something related to today's " I pray o!!!!!!!! If I hear say I chop soap". But I nodded my head plenty times like the good girl I was and went inside. As the devil planned it for me, I ran into Granny who asked what my uncle was warning me about. I could have easily told the truth o, but the devil had plans for me that day. That's how I concocted one story I can't remember now sef not knowing my uncle was behind me. As I finished telling my story, that's how slap landed on my face *TWAI*, it was my uncle. Next thing he had dragged me to the bathroom and told me I was going to finish one Imperial Leather soap. Omo!!!!!!! I die wake up. I cried ooooooo, nothing changed, the soap was still there smiling at me. My uncle then said I should choose between eating the soap and 12 strokes of the cane. I just shouted, "Uncle Rex, even 24 strokes, I will manage." Long story short sha, I didn't go to school the next day (you know why shey?).
So my lovelies, if you also think growing up was a scam you believed too, drop your fondest and funniest childhood memories let's all have a good, hearty laugh.