Friday, January 22, 2016

CLOSURE

Good morning my lovelies!!!! Thank God it's Friday, so I can rest my weary bones and catch up on my series. How did your week go?


Sometime in July last year, I got dumped like a sack of rotten tomatoes, and before you go "awwww" , note that this was over a text message o. I felt like an emotional candy bag; every emotion you wanted, I was ready to dish out. I would go from depressed to rage to sadness to hysterical laughter and then tears non stop in a blink of the eye. There were days I would lock myself up in the toilet and bawl my eyes out for hours. In all of these, one thing I kept saying to myself and whoever I spoke to about it was; "I need to talk to him.. I want to make sure the relationship is really over... I can only be sure that there's no hope for rekindling it when I talk to him... Closure will help me stop hanging, spinning and imagining all the what-ifs" Because I felt I needed closure, I kept in contact; because I kept in contact, I was reeling in depression every time I heard his voice or saw his picture on Instagram. Even when I called, and he gave me some stinky attitude, I still held on to the hope that getting closure would give me a sense of resolution or take the emotional baggage I was carrying or help heal the wounds from my broken heart.







Fast forward to a few weeks ago, it's okay to say I had moved on but I still felt I needed closure to forgive a wrong or something, so I started seeking opinions on the subject of closure. My cousin said "The world owes you nothing whatsoever... The world doesn't owe you audience, so if there's something you need to say to anybody, say it to yourself and move on". My friend didn't get the point of the whole drama and as she put it, "We've broken up, we don't intend to get back together, so what's the point of opening old wounds?"
I took their advice, and did all the talking I needed to do to myself and somehow I found out that I didn't need to talk to anybody about anything to feel freer, I didn't need to ask anybody any questions like I thought, to get any weight off my shoulders, there was no need to have a public apology tendered or have to publicly announce I had forgiven anybody. I finally realized that I didn't want to be ignored, or lied to or led on, all in the name of closure, so I bounced.
It wasn't easy though, finally taking responsibilities for a few things I had made myself believe I was the victim for, or cutting off contacts, or even forgiving without getting an apology, but it was definitely worth it.
P.S: When I started this post a few months back, it was a "pro-closure" post. I had done a long ass research on why everybody needed closure after every breakup. I was going to come and preach and convert y'all and make you call your exes from kindergaten and sing HELLO. I'm not anti-closure, but it actually isn't necessary.... All the band aids you need to heal lies with you.

What's your take on closure? Necessary or Never mind?

PEACE, LOVE, CHOCOLATES& CLOSURE if you like
XOXO

8 comments:

  1. Hey pretty, I'm sorry about what happened. Genuinely sorry. Need hugs. My take is closure is necessary for progress in life. Be it for a lady or the guy, it helps take your mind off things to a larger degree. This doesn't mean the blaming game will still not arise or one won't "hope" for a comeback but you will know certain line has been drawn.
    Closure is like when you define a thing. You have clarity. You have reasons to mentally calculate a next move. I'm afraid without closure/definition assumptions arise and that is in no way healthy.
    You'll be fine. Day by day you'll find the strength you need again.

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  2. Hi Esther Koko! So who Broke your heart huh?! Oya tell me nah nah... who is the father.. sorry.. **covers lips.. I meant.. **Slip of Tongue.. Who is the Heart Breaker :)! Tell me now oh! tell me lemme go Break his head like Wiz! **Wears Steven Seagal Look! I mean noBoRRy! Martian or Human! Messes with my baby and goes Scott free (Although she turned down my Photo Shoot sha.. and aYam mad still.. but I will forgive her last last still :)).. My Esther aint gonna be Hurt by noBoRRy Sam sam You hear!!!! **Inshort! Holl me! Holll me! Holl me now ooorrr!!! :)

    Okay! My Darling.. Life is Simple! Maybe cause i am just 24 and confused.. Maybe its cause i pursue plenRRy women all at once and Date none.. but still yeah.. my point is.. dating should be as simple as the below;

    Duru: "Hi! Will you be my Friend

    Girl Yes...

    ... 3 months later

    Duru.. I love you...

    Girl.. I love you too.. but this isnt working.

    Duru: Okay.. Blessings!

    Girl: Yes.. Bye!

    Look my Happiness.. If someone doesnt want you.. then its wise to let go! To me yeah.. Closure as regards love is a Bloody Myth! I mean e no dey exist. I mean look at it nah baby mi.. the Brover was not brave enough to Break up with you in person.. Do you think he will now come and goan be able to talk about "why" with you?!

    Moving on. You are a beautiful lady Esther Koko of Destiny.. So just take off your shoes and Dance... dance in the rain.. Smile on The Bus.. make Up to the Movies.. Club.. :) Blog with your heart.. Love GOD more and Love you too.. and soon my darling.. Soon. soon. soon.. The Knight Driving a Black Range Rover will come.. and then you will realize my Love.. that all the past ones were a BLAADY mistake.

    P.S: Closure my love.. is a Myth! Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Closure is non-existent for me. If a relationship doesn't work out, I don't wanna hear the lies that will be given as to why I had to be dumped. But hey, different strokes, different folks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Closure is necessary. Funny i was just like you in how i tried to seek closure and i would usually get stinky attitudes from my exes. I just realised that i got closure when i wrote out my feelings. The first time, i cried and wrote on a paper to God and you won't believe it that as soon as i finished, i felt lighter. And for other times i wrote on my blog.....hmmmm. Thanks for making me realize that. Never thought about it. By the way, where have you been? Or is it where have i been? Hope you are doing okay....

    Check out this link to help me pay my tuition fees.... journal of a petite diva

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baby mi.... kai. That's how you didn't talk to me about it. Not cool at all. Everyone tries to seek closure...we always want to know what we did wrong so we can move on and make sure we don't do them again... but the truth is if we sit and think about it, we can identify the things we did and didn't do. we dont have to talk to the ex to figure it out. Truth is, I loved my ex... i loved him sotey I wan die after we broke up....even though I was the one that broke up with him. The only closure I needed was talking to myself and telling myself, Moby you are a good person and you can def do better...Next time take your time...and I did. So sweethear, I feel you big time. What helps me most is talking with people. I just become a chatter box and closure just finds me..I dunno if that made sense sha. hehe. I love u munchos

    Moby is not back to blogging o but I am back to stalking...hehe *zooms off*

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ok closure is real, but it comes when we are calm and all.
    You see, after we break up, we are grappling with a lot of things and all, it might not be easy but it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
    So closure is seeking to know why things didn't work out Yeah? Most times, it takes both of you finding happiness separately first to be able to really get closure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nice write up, Closure is necessary however you look at it,some people just take a longer time to get it. Have been in a similar position it took years for me to get closure but when I finally got it I moved on and left the past like a bag of thrash.

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate all your lovely comments....... Don't leave without dropping a word

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